For parents, the initiation of therapy for their child can be a time of great anxiety, confusion and fear. This brochure is intended to be a resource for therapists to give parents so they can gain a better understanding of what goes on in play therapy.
How does Play Therapy work?
Play has been viewed for hundreds of years as the language children use to understand their world until they gain a greater mastery of spoken language. Children are able to show through their play what they are thinking about and how they feel about people. Children often times are confused about the realities of life, having emotions, and being affected by adult relationships. The result of these confusions is that some children become stressed. The difficulty for children is their inexperience with feelings, their lack of words to express their feelings, and their underdeveloped strategies for coping with that stress. Adults have the language capacities to better express how they feel and often experience a sense of relief by talking out and thinking through their problems. The same principle holds true for children, but it helps if someone can speak their language and understand the way young children think.
A trained play therapist is able to help the child “play out” his or her concerns by identifying specific themes that are typically seen by children with worries or problems. The therapist can help the child identify the confusing feelings and offer alternative ways of thinking about and behaving in response to the stress, all using the child’s natural language of play.
Who are these therapists?
Therapists are typically people who have undergone clinical training at some advanced school and learned the process of play therapy as part of their training. There are very specific ways in which play therapists are trained to respond to children as they play.
What happens in therapy?
Play therapy is conducted, usually at the same time and day each week in a special place, usually called the playroom, designed specifically for safe exploration of the therapy toys. This room becomes very important to children because they are allowed to explore their ideas and feelings in a safe, private, and quiet environment with an adult therapist’s full attention. The sense of privacy the playroom affords is very important for children so that they feel safe enough to express and work on feelings that most of the time they work hard to hold back. This room is also important to protect the confidentiality of information that comes out through the therapy process. Most of what occurs will only be discussed between the therapist, the child and the parent. Play therapy most often is done with just the child and the therapist in the playroom. Play therapy can also be conducted with the parent or guardian playing along with the child and the therapist, if it seems that would be beneficial to the process. Play therapy toys are often similar to those found in the classroom like dolls, baby toys, cars, puppets and play food. Other toys like families of similar puppets or animals and wooden knock down figures are often seen by the children for the first time. The play is most often directed by the child and revolves around specific issues, ideas and feelings about which they are confused or ambivalent. The child expresses these difficulties by having the characters play out different parts, emotions or actions. The therapist’s training includes knowledge about how children with certain worries play out different play themes and how to respond using play. Therapists also talk with the child to help them begin to put words to their feelings. The therapist does this by communicating that all types of feelings are okay, labeling different types of feelings, and working on better ways to express feelings. Many parents find some aspects of play therapy worrisome. For example they wonder how letting a child play with baby bottles and act like a baby could help the child. They also worry that the child will want the bottle at home or forever. The main reason behind this type of play is that some children have worries and fears which stem from the time they were a baby. By “being a baby”, the child can show the therapist what they are worried about. Once the child has shared their feelings and “worked out” the fears or worries, he or she will no longer want the bottle. Similarly, children in play therapy often do things, especially in angry play, that they are not allowed to do in the classroom or at home. This is because children have strong feelings about things in their world that they don’t quite understand or which they lack identifying labels. For example, many children hit and disobey when actually they are afraid. Also, they often don’t know appropriate ways to express their feelings. By using the gun or throwing soft toys, children can learn about their angry or scared feelings. The therapist is then able to help the child feel less angry or afraid and learn how to express those feelings in safe ways. Remember, even young children can understand that the playroom is a special place with special rules where they can do things that are not okay in other places. When they have done their “therapy work” these behaviors end and the child is better able to be appropriate outside the playroom.
Despite what some parents believe, play therapists do not have a magic wand that they pass over the children to make all the problems and challenging behaviors go away. The therapist does have some factors that make the relationship between them and the child different from all others. Firstly, the therapists are somewhat removed from traditional expectations. Children know what to expect from a teacher or parent, but the therapeutic relationship is different. The therapist also has the luxury of being the one adult who does not have a responsibility to discipline the child on a regular basis. Secondly, the playroom has different rules from other settings. These rules are designed to facilitate the child in feeling safe and open about their concerns. Even very young children gain an understanding about the role of the playroom and how the rules are different in that environment. Third, it is seldom that a child can have an adult’s full attention along with the freedom to direct what they both play, which is something that a parent or teacher usually can not offer. Fourth, the therapist has the advantage of being a unique experience each week. They are seen for only one hour and this gives the child to look forward to each week. Fifth, though children are often highly serious about their play it is still a fun and enjoyable process allowing them the relief from stress that they need. The relief from stress and worries is very powerful for children and leaves them with warm feelings and memories of the therapist and the process. These warm feelings are often so strong that your child might say or act as if he/she liked the therapist more than you. This can be tough on you as a parent, but remember no one could ever be as important as you are to your child! As your child’s worries diminish, the fascination with the therapist will decline and your relationship with your son or daughter will have the opportunity to be enhanced.
As a parent what can you do to help?
There are several things you can to help the process. The first is to stop blaming yourself for all your child’s worries and behavior problems. Some events in life are beyond a parent’s control and other things are just part of being a human. Blame and excessive guilt on your part do not help your or your child. Next, you can give your permission and the assurances the child will be safe. Thirdly, you can work to maintain contact with your child’s therapist. All information about what may be going on in the child’s life is critical for the therapist in order to understand what may be going on in the child’s mind. It is especially important to communicate, in advance whenever possible, any big changes in your child’s life. The therapist needs advance notice regarding moves or vacations so that he or she can help the child prepare for the change in the routine. Also, ensuring that your child gets to therapy on a regular basis is of the utmost importance.
How long will my child need the play therapist for?
The amount of time needed for play therapy varies depending on the needs of the child and the nature of the issues they are facing. A play therapist may not always be able to tell you in advance about how much time it will take for the child to get back on their developmental track and not need to see the therapist anymore. Many times, the issues are mild and need only a few sessions. But many times, they turn out to be deeper than one imagines and may need longer work. It would be best to trust the therapist’s judgment as well as your child’s own comfort level with the therapist. Since psychotherapies are relationship based, it is important to allow time for the process of relationship formation in the beginning of treatment and saying goodbyes at the end of the treatment.
Any more questions?
As a parent it is always your right to ask questions. Actually the more questions the better. If you are wondering or worrying about something in the child’s life or the therapy process, just ask. Therapists are always open to your input and questions.