It is human to be emotional and go through emotional suffering. Whatever the source of this suffering may be, we all undergo moments in our lives when we need another human being who we can rely on for emotional support, to help us make sense of what we are going through and to help us come out of it stronger. Psychotherapy is a process that deals with such issues professionally. Unfortunately, few people in India make use of this service even when they need it. While part of the under use can be explained by the fact that there is limited awareness as well as limited availability of this service, the bigger factors are the widely prevalent myths about psychotherapy that exist in our society.
Myth #1: Attending Psychotherapy is a sign of weakness: Often, despite feeling considerable emotional stress, people hesitate in taking professional help because they feel it is a sign of weakness. On the other hand, people feel that if they can deal with their problems on their own, they will be seen as “strong”. Unfortunately, the effort to remain “strong” does more harm in the long run. It is easier to suppress one’s feelings rather than explore and work through them. Therefore, sharing one’s feelings openly with a trained mental health professional is a sign of courage rather than of weakness.
Myth #2: Psychotherapy is only for people who have mental health problems: Psychotherapy is not meant only for people who have severe mental health problems. It has been found to be useful for people who find themselves in emotional distress, confusion, or some other emotionally challenging situation. This does not mean that they are “mentally ill”; it only means that their mental health is being affected. For many people, who are otherwise functioning normally in their lives, psychotherapy has been helpful in developing self- understanding. For some people, the goal of psychotherapy could be to work towards living a more healthy and positive lifestyle. In fact, in many training programs, prospective mental health professionals are required to attend psychotherapy themselves so that they develop a better self understanding before they can help others.
Myth #3: If I attend psychotherapy, I will be seen as “abnormal” or “mad” by my friends and family: As we have discussed, psychotherapy is not only for people who have mental health problems. Unfortunately, seeing a mental health professional is still seen negatively in the Indian society, though there is increasing awareness about the need for this process with each passing day.
As far as being considered “mad” is concerned, it is often the healthiest member of the family and usually the healthiest member of a couple who seeks help first. The person who seeks help is most frequently someone who is sensitive enough to have picked up that something in their life or family or relationships is amiss. Seeking help is often a sign of mental health and mental strength.
Further, a counseling or therapeutic relationship ensures confidentiality of the person in all conditions except if the client’s safety or those of others is in question. In other words, what you share with your therapist will remain only between you and your therapist. Other people don’t have to know that you are seeing a mental health professional if you want that information to be kept confidential. When interviewing a mental health professional, make sure they understand and agree to your confidentiality needs.
Myth #4: If I start seeing a counselor or psychotherapist, I will become dependent on them forever: The goal of every therapy relationship is to help the client become independent. A psychotherapist’s job is to help one understand why they feel the way they do and what lies behind their responses to other people and to things that happen to them. Many people find that this understanding helps them to deal more successfully with problems and distress. They come out of the therapeutic process more independent and more self-aware.
Myth #5: Psychotherapy is an indulgent activity undertaken by the rich: Psychotherapy is sought by and can help people from different socio-economic backgrounds. To develop self- understanding is a healthy thing to do. And of course, if one is in emotional distress, or has severe mental health problems, then psychotherapy becomes a necessity.
Myth #6: I don’t need a psychotherapist to share my feelings. I can just talk to a friend or a family member who I am close to: Many of us find emotional relief in talking to people we feel close to. Sometimes the relief comes merely from venting out our feelings and some times, the people we share our feelings with might also help us get a different perspective on things. However, there are situations when we need an objective listener, someone who is outside our family and circle of friends and therefore has no preconceived ideas about us. Someone who is professionally trained to listen, and is neutral in the sense that s/he does not have any personal needs attached to our lives, is in a unique position to give us fresh insights into how we feel and respond to things. It is also important to keep in mind that a trained professional might seem to be “merely” listening to us, when in fact, they are trained to listen “actively” such that in the process of listening, they help us move towards developing a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Myth#7: Psychotherapy would not work for me. How can someone help me just be talking to me? The basis of psychotherapy is that we often have internal processes (feelings, conflicts, thoughts) based on our life experiences, which become too complex for us to make sense of ourselves or which remain outside our conscious awareness. These thoughts, feelings or conflicts show up as symptoms (emotional distress, sadness, confusion, depression, anxiety, physiological difficulties without any medical basis, addiction, low self esteem, anger issues, etc) and affect our functioning and/or well being. When we begin to understand these internal processes with the help of a professional who is trained to help us through this process, the symptoms begin to show improvement. Sometimes, we don’t have any observable symptoms as such, but just feel an inner discomfort, urge or simply a longing to understand ourselves and our lives better. Psychotherapy can help us in this process.
Myth#8: Psychotherapy is a business: Would you say medicine is a business? How about chartered accountancy? And architecture? Psychotherapy is no different in this respect. Therapists are professionals who have lives of their own and financial responsibilities like anyone else. Hence, it is only fair that they charge you for the professional service they provide. In fact, one needs to beware of a counselor or therapist who claims to be ‘helping out of the goodness of their hearts’. After all, what needs of their own are they getting fulfilled in the process if it is not a means of livelihood for them. This is not to discount altruistic efforts of people in any way, but it is just a reminder that one needs to be cautious and mindful of these issues as the receiver of mental health services. It is also a well known phenomenon that we often tend to take things for granted when they are given to us for “free”.
Myth #9: Psychotherapist will judge me and find faults with me: All psychotherapists are trained to adopt a non-judgmental attitude towards their clients. The reason is that being judgmental towards someone does not really help them deal with their problems. It only makes them feel bad and defensive. Further, it is not fair to judge others based on what we feel is right! Remember, a psychotherapist’s job is to help their clients develop an understanding of themselves and use it to address their difficulties. They are not there to find faults with their clients, but are there to help them understand why they do what they do.
Myth #10: I will have to talk about issues that I don’t want to: Nobody can force you to talk about or do anything you don’t want to. Psychotherapists typically take your lead in the session and keep themselves focused on what you want to bring up in that particular session. With the trust that develops over time, you might yourself feel like bringing up issues you were reluctant to share in the beginning. The choice and freedom will be yours. The psychotherapy session and experience just seeks to provide a safe environment for you to share whatever you want to.
Myth #11: Psychotherapy is boring. It is all about serious stuff: Not necessarily. It can be a lot of fun too. Psychotherapy can become a very interesting process of self discovery. You don’t have to bring up serious material all the time. There are no restrictions of any sort. If you want to share lighter moments, you can do so. Many therapists adopt expressive art and play therapy approaches or are flexible to use these if need be. Some people find these alternate means of expression fun and less inhibiting.
Myth #12: Psychotherapy is the only answer for people with mental health problems: Like any other treatment modality, psychotherapy may not have all the answers for a person’s difficulties. Sometimes, medication might be needed more urgently. Sometimes, the person might need a combination of medication, psychotherapy and may be some other services such as support groups, occupational therapy, etc. The puzzle is how to get diagnosed properly so that the best treatment can be prescribed. A good psychotherapist will acknowledge his or her limitations and scope of competence and help you explore alternative treatment modalities..